Doubting Thomasina

I spent most of today reading through the copyedited proof read version of my novel. It’s shite. Not the editing - the editor did a great job and would highly recommend her ( Emma Sherry). This is about the one hundred and seventieth time I’ve read the bloody thing and I won’t be in the least bit surprised if it sinks into the oblivion it deserves. I’m bloody tired of the whole thing and yet I have to spend more hours of my precious free time on it.

Yet I still insist on publishing it. Why? I don’t bloody know. It’s not going to cost me much – a little organising and some hours on the laptop plus plugging it left right and centre. But why in the name of God am I doing all that for something I have intense doubts about? I have a full-time reasonably paid job (which I hate) a home and family to care for – you’d think that would be enough for me. But it’s not – like himself ‘I still haven’t found what I’m looking for’. But will I ever? Will publishing this finally close it off for me. That’s it – I did it wrote a book and got a copy of it for friends and family. Now get on with my life.

I don’t think so. Writing has become almost a compulsion for me. Even though my typing technique is crap and I spend most of my time correcting typos. Even though a lot of what I write is discarded, binned, deleted. Why do I still keep f***in’ doing it? I can’t change the world with it. I can’t even change myself with it. But I can’t stop. I can’t move on to finishing something new until this novel is finally between two covers – no matter how crappy it is. Maybe by the end of next month I can finally open up a new blank screen and winking cursor and start on my REAL masterpiece.

Then I heard of Amy Winehouse’s death. And I felt guilty for being alive whilst she was gone for there was real talent. And look at the amount she achieved in her short short life. By God that lady could write and sing. What a poor demented soul she was – what a pity she didn’t make it through the miasma. And I looked at all I had – my husband, my boys, my extended family and friends and realised that I already had what was important to me and maybe the tragedy is that many people don’t ever ever realise that until it’s too late. So I’m stopping feeling sorry for myself and self doubting etc – I’m just going to do it and shag the consequences

Diary of Liam(11⅓) and Oscar(11¼) in Pwllheli, Wales – last piece

This is our last blog…are yiz sad? Evelyn’s not. She says it will be at least ten days before she can think of anything without some image of a bodily function leaping to her mind or worse, lips. We don’t know whether we’re insulted or pleased.

We had a bit of an adventure on Thursday. Evelyn was meant to shoot us take us shooting but they were all booked up until Sunday so she didn’t get to MURDER US STONE DEAD. Instead she deliberately lost us on a barren headland somewhere in North Wales. We would have preferred to have been shot. Being eleven and however many fractions you might be and finding youself lost (??!!) in a foreign country is double scary. Even if everyone speaks English. They all have funny accents and tried to make stupid jokes that were supposed to comfort us but were just STUPID.

What happened was this. We rented bikes because we were going for the Oscie sock burning ceremony and the site of this ceremony was (according to Evelyn) about a fifteen minute walk – which meant thirty minutes - and come on we’re eleven we don’t DO thirty minute walks. There was a bit of a hoo ha with Oscar’s bike but Evelyn got it sorted (she can be useful sometimes – when she’s not trying to lose us) and off we set. Now she says she called ‘turn right’ when we called back to see which way to go. But we all know her sense of direction – anyway we didn’t hear her and turned back the way we thought we’d come. ‘Cept it mustn’t have been the way or more probably she went her own sweet meandering WRONG way.

So we started looking for her – we rode back towards the site (all of three minutes). Liam thought he heard Evelyn calling ‘Leee-ummmmm’ but wasn’t sure. So we decided to go back to the Spar and tell the lady there about our missing Evelyn. So she called security and they came down to the shop. They – well, he - had no flashing lights, later we remembered it was a dark green kind of van thing, Liam thought it was probably some kind of crap Volvo. So he – the security van man- started to take our details and tried ringing Evelyn’s mobile but it wouldn’t ring ( he didn’t use the international code). He made a stupid joke about us trying to get him to ring some mental number in outer Mongolia and cost him a fortune and we tried to laugh but we couldn’t. Liam was starting to get upset and Oscar was trying to stay calm. And then out of the blue – out of NOWHERE- Evelyn walked around the corner outside the Spar. That was it. We both laughed and felt like crying at the same time and felt safe and mortified at the same time. And of course she did her ‘Owl Babies’ Aul’Mother speech “ ‘WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS!! Sure ye knew I’d come back’ ”. Well, of course we knew it – but still….y’never know.

So off we went – this time together – and it was a lovely day and nice and cool on the headland even though it was MELTING on the caravan site. And we had the Oscie Sock Burning Ceremony – and it was terribly sad and Oscar filled up even more than he had when he thought Evelyn had been abducted by Aliens – or men in a dingy white van . And the photos are on FaceBook. Then we placed crisps (smokey bacon natch) on our tongues to remind us of the burning to the crisp of holy holey old socks. Photos on FB also – don’t tell the blasphemy police. So that was that. We explored a bit and we started to see Evelyn’s point about views and fresh air and stuff and then we said P-P-L-LE-E-E-E-ase can we go back so we can go into the fifth circle of Hell for a swim. And she sighed her deeply tired Evelyn sigh and smiled her ever-suffering Evelyn smile and heavily got to her middle aged swollen feet and gathered up ALL the bags and plodded along behind us commenting loudly on the beauty of the countryside and coast line and ozone laden air and the ingratitude of the yoof of today…. But we didn’t hear her because we were miles ahead on our bikes. We knew she wouldn’t get lost again.

So we went to the NINTH circle of Hell (I thought it was the fifth…No, it was the first Oshutup) pool. We enjoyed it.

As it was our second last night Evelyn said she’d take us out to a proper overpriced site restaurant. We thought it was lovely but we weren’t paying. The desserts were deadly. Chocolate ice-cream stuff. Yum – Liam said that after the death-by-chocolate dessert it was the next nicest dessert he’d ever had. Evelyn said that at least the used proper Cos lettuce in the Caesar (she made us put that in – all leafy green things are fake especially lettuces (lettusces, letucises..lett..le….###) and cabbages (cab##......) from Cosmania))(and why would anyone call a bowl of green….. …fodder (that was Liam – he has an agricultural background))after a Roman Emperor))) but then she moaned commented about the overuse of parmesan LARGE CHUNKS and the marked absence of……..then we stopped listening because© >>>>>>>>>>>© was on the large 52 inch flatscreen TV on the ©…………………………© we can’t say for fear of being sued for copyright©

And then it was Friday……..and it was dull..no….. more than dull ..it , wait for it, it RAINED. We felt really at home, well Evelyn did especially, she said it made her all nostalgic for Wexford in 19-oh-dot…Evelyn had said she would take us back on our favourite paying thing on the site for our last day so we picked pedaloes ( well, we couldn’t go back to the Tardis ‘cause it wasn’t on the site). So she got up after only FOUR ‘what time are wes’ – which is good for an adult…’specially before ten a.m.
So we were on the boating lake by half-ten. She doesn’t hang around when she makes her mind up. We found even YOUNGER ducklings than the first pedalo day and she did the kissy thing again, and it was really quite funny the way the eejits followed us and we decided we actually wouldn’t like to fall into the boating lake….it was a bit..well…not to be rude, but ‘ absolutely MINGIN’’ ( we are in the UK!). We felt sorry for the birds. But they looked happy and healthy enough.

So. It was Liam’s friend from Swords birthday so we spent most of the day with him and his family. We went to Burger King (Oh yeah, oh yeah …more junk food!!) and then go-karting and then back to his mobile for cake and happy birthday and then …Evelyn gave in under pleading eyes and relentless rain and said we could go to the Arcade with the last of our money. And then it was time to have a pickin’-out of each other few hours and write our blog and then it was bed time and we cannot believe our holiday is over. And it was good. But it’ll be nice to get home to our own beds and our own couches and X Boxes and the way things should be.

And most of all – to our Mam and our Dads. WUV YOU ALLXXXXXXXXX
Liam and Oscar.


PS: Thanks Mammikins/Auntikins – we reely reely reely apreceeate appriche, are glad you took us to Hafan Y Mor. DBL WUV U xOxOxO

PPS: That PS is an incorrect representation of our last words as we would never – ever - ever mis-spell that word…but yes Evelyn/Mam you deserve a thank you…and we do love you! And thank you for saying MIGHT to Spain next year - we don't care that you think we won't want to go...we're always going to be eleven inside!!!

Grown- up Ps - I love you! I really enjoyed my time in Wales with the two babies (so far) of the Walsh Clan. They were - for the most part - great company, although I admit the giddiness did get on my nerves at times. But they are both intelligent, articulate funny and best of all loving young men. Whoever they end up with in years to come will be getting well-balanced partners. Didn't we do a grand job on them!

Diary of Liam(11⅓) and Oscar(11¼) in Pwllheli, Wales – blog 3

First we have to apoligise to the whole of Wales and especially Pwllhellians or Pwllhellcats or whoever for spelling Pwllheli incorrectly up to this - we will never ever do it again. Ever.
Tuesday was another warm day but hazy instead of sunny. Evelyn agreed to come to the pool with us first thing but she only stayed ten minutes. She said later it was like the fifth circle of Hell and far too full of Hardy’s Madding Crowds. Whatever that means. Ok it is a bit too warm and a bit packed and there isn’t really a swimming swimming pool and it’s a bit old and there are a lot, an awful lot of really small kids and their parents in it but …well…it is a campsite and a holiday camp and all…so…anyway she had to stop at Starbucks for a grande skinnilatte with an extra shot to get over the ordeal. Whatever. We stayed in the pool for a couple of hours, we still think it’s great - then came home for lunch and then we went to the go-kart track which was great fun. Then we came back and annoyed Evelyn for a while until she jumped up from her lazing chair and said ‘Right. That’s it. You’re coming for a walk’. A WALK!! Someplace there’s no shops! Or anything to do!

It actually wasn’t too bad. We went through the forest and did ‘Lions and Tigers and Bears- oh my!’ No-one is ever too big for the Wizard. Evelyn was Dorothy (she had the check shirt) Oscar was Scarecrow (because of the socks) and Liam was Lion. It was hilarious and Evelyn kept trying to scare us and was really, really so not scary. Until we got a bit lost and she had to guide us back to her by the sound of her voice. And Oscar got a ginormous scrape and Liam got nettle stings ( see evidence on FB photos) so we felt like real explorers. Anyway we found her and then the coastal path and she was right – it really is lovely. We climbed down onto the rocks and threw stones in the water. Then we came back and had dinner and after dinner we went back down to the rocky beach with Liam’s friends from Swords. Then we came back and Oscar did the dishes (YES _ ACTUALLY WASHED AND DRIED DISHES AND POTS) (Mam – don’t mind them it’s lies all lies – wuv you Oscie xxx ( I don’t know how to wash dishes and I can’t learn, I have dishes dyslexia or maybe I have an allergy to washing up liquid or maybe I hurt my dishes washing hand forever or maybe watching Liam wash them traumatised me beyond belief) still wuv you Oscie xxx), Then we made plans for an official Oscie Socks Burning Ceremony – more of which on Friday. Then we had our giddy hour and a half (it’s an official hour and a half where utter idiocy is totally acceptable). Then we couldn’t believe another day was over. It’s going scarily fast now. Caernarvon Castle tomorrow so we better go to bed. Night.

When we woke up on Wednesday it was MAD HOT – like Spain or Italy hot- and Shewhomustbeobeyed said we still had to go to see this castle in Caernarvon. Like, it’s been there since 12ninety-something , it could have waited another day or two. Liam was particularly grumpy – he’s nearer to teenage grumpy than Oscie is – according to shewhomustetcetera. But when we were pulling into the carpark we started to laugh – we could see why she wanted us to go to see the bloody castle. Oscar spotted it first and called it for what it was – but Evelyn said no no no – it was a portaloo obviously for building work – but she was laughing. Then Liam nearly had apoplexy (whatever that is) ‘It is! OhMiGod it is! The Tardis. Oh…. that’s the episode where they filmed load of it in different castles and where…then he went off on this big long description of the whole plotline which you can pick up on any website about the Doctor. See, Liam claims Dr Who is not a drama series – it’s documentary according to him – more - it’s a way of life.

So we went up and had our pictures taken with the Tardis in Caernarvon Castle. We had a quick look around the rest of it but sorry – the Tardis was the highlight , who needs history when you have possibility? Evelyn muttered about paying twenty quid to see an abandoned police phone box…but she was laughing. So then we had ice creams and bought new Oscie socks ( and I got a cool t-shirt Mam - Oxy. Xx) and we were MELTING. So Evelyn saw this fountain and had the DEADLY idea that we should run in and out and try not to get wet. Liam got SOAKED. Oscar didn’t even wet his little finger.

Evelyn is a bit annoyed about this …but….well….we think the highlight of the whole holiday so far was the drive back to Pwhelli from Caernarvon. See - Liam had to take his shorts off because they were soaking and Evelyn stuck them out the back window where they flapped like some demented flag the whole way back. There was great music on the radio and we got in a good mood then some insane burrowing immortal beetle got into the car and Oscar could NOT kill it no matter how hard he tried. And he REALLY tried. But it kept disappearing. And we had been talking about xxxx and xxxxxxx and (bodily functions) so naturally we wondered was the beetle got worming its way up his xxxx where it would lay its eggs and produce dung beetles. Of course then we had to mention xxxx milk and pexxxds and nose jobs and infidelity because of undried dishes and then Evelyn SHRIEKED ‘shutupshutupshutupshutup’. Well. We stopped – for thirty two seconds then exploded …and got worse. And she did a constant low mumbling about sublime to ridiculous and how there was only so much pre pubescent children a person could take. Poor her.

She only let us stay in the mobile for ten seconds when we got back before chasing us down the road to the pool to get rid of our elevensness. Sheesh. Aul’ bxxxx –( wuv you Evikins XOXOXOL). So we stayed there for ages and came back, showered, annoyed her some more then went off to Adventure Golf (Oscar beat me Dad – boohoo - so I got no chicken Curry – Liam OOO) Oscar got three birdies and an EAGLE and Liam got two birdies and two pars. We did our ONLY Burger King dinner of the holidays, then a DVD ‘cause we were wrecked and we thought it might compensate a little for our X-Box withdrawal (which is remarkably tame) then the playground. And now we are WrEcKed – but best things were the Tardis, the burrowing beetle and the giddy giddy giddiness.

And tomorrow Evelyn is taking us shooting……………

Diary of Liam(11⅓) and Oscar(11¼) in Pwehelli, Wales – blog 2

Firstly Oscar would like to point out that he is Eleven and One Sixth but we can't find one sixth on the symbol inserts and our editor is crap. Secondly we are definitely not doing this every night. It’s too like homework so this is a doubler and we are getting a homework pass for one night.

Sunday was another lovely day – although Evelyn said the rain on the caravan roof woke her during the night and reminded her of childhood holidays in Carne in Co. Wexford. She said it felt good – made her feel safe. That’s weird – but it’s ok because we still love her (Evelyn - butt out of our blog).

Anyway Oscar was especially glad about the weather because it meant we could do the pedaloes. Oscar has a bit of an obsession with pedaloes. His type of obsessing is different to Liam’s obsessing – Liam worries loudly and keeps time checking and talking about the things he obsesses about. Oscie just gets this dreamy face on him and says ‘I so-o-o-oo love ..’obsession’..or ‘Imagine in only a few hours I’ll be doing …’obsession..’’obsession’..is so cool…’’…you get the picture?

So Evelyn kept him waiting for HOURS because she says denial is good for building character. Like…who wants to be a character? She claims that giving in immediately to eleven year olds’ obsessions means they move along straight away to the next one/thing and obsess about that. I mean, c’mon, they’re PEDALOES!! While we were waiting we hired this double buggy kart thing. It was great fun and we were wrecked after it. It’s hard work because only one of us pedalled while the other one steered. Liam nearly got us killed going down a hill MAD FAST – but we didn’t die and we fell about laughing because it was such a buzz.

Evelyn did us a great deal on money – things like buggies and pedaloes and Adventure golf are dear here so our tenners wouldn’t go very far. But we’re not allowed tell you the deal because then Jim would KILL her for being a soft touch and an eejit when she’s not – she’s a nice kind middle-aged woman who just understands what it’s like to be a poor destitute kid (that bit is her again).

We did the pedaloes then – BRILLIANT. Even Evelyn enjoyed it despite grumbling about having to do it ( we needed an adult and she’s the only one we know here!). She said that being pedalled around a boating lake by two young gentlemen was really rather nice. It was alright until she started making kissy noises at this duck and ducklings and the duck seemed to understand her and started to follow the kissy noises and the ducklings followed the duck, so we looked like the Pied Piper of the Hafan y Mor boating lake. We had to pedal like LUNATICS to get Evelyn away from the duck and stop the sheeshin’ flippin’ feckin’ kissing noises.

It was really sunny then and Evelyn wanted to sit in the sun and read the papers. So we went to the pool and we stayed for HOURS. The slides are really brilliant and there aren’t huge queues or anything so you can go up and down real quick. The flumes have big queues so we didn't bother with them We were absolutely wrecked and STARVING after it so we came back to the mobile and showered and flopped about on the couch while Evelyn cooked us pizza. Then we went to the playground - it’s a really good adventure playground not a little kids one and we were meant to go for a walk with Evelyn after that but she fell asleep and we stayed -like REALLY quiet so when she woke up it was Top Gear and Liam won’t move during Top Gear and after that we were all too lazy and Evelyn was still sleepy. We made a mad home movie on Oscar’s iPod and then we had rubbish for supper and that was the end of Day two

On Monday we got buggy carts again and Evelyn went for a big long walk along the coast and came back all going on about wildflowers and dolphins and how really like Wexford (except with hills) this place was. Then we went into Pwehelli to get a chair for her to sit on outside the mobile because her back is knackered and she can't sit on the grass anymore and Liam bought a Top Gead dvd and Oscar bought a Mr Potato Head (we know, we know – but he likes Mr Potato Head and it’s his money so…). It was weird because all the people in the Asda talked Welsh to each other and Evelyn said wasn’t it a pity we Irish didn’t do the same. But why would we want to speak Welsh – we wouldn’t understand each other! (we knew what she meant, we’re not thick – just eleven). Then we came back to Hafan Y Mor and played Adventure golf and were both crap but it was fun and Oscar got a birdie on one hole and Liam a par (there was no back nine Dad – Liam, OO).

We went to the shop and bought horrendously sour sweets called Toxic Waste and came back to the mobile and made another video on the iPod by O&L Productions showing Liam’s face as he ate some of the sweets except we called them Squoxic Waste in case we got sued or something. And Oscar did the commentary really serious like it was a very intelligent scientific research programme. It was really funny. Then Evelyn asked Oscar were the socks he was wearing his favourite and he said ‘no’. So she asked why he was wearing them since Friday and he said his Mam hadn’t packed him any other socks (boo-hoo). Evelyn said he was like a poor orphan with only one pair of very holey socks to his name ( but it doesn’t matter Mam – I have at least seven more toes to break through the material before they’re useless – I still wuv you – Oscie XX). Anyway Evelyn came up with a solution to the sock problem but its too boring to write about.

Evelyn wanted to work more on her Courtown tan so we went to the pool again for ages. Then we had dinner and we all agreed we didn’t think the Welsh mince was as nice as the Irish mince. Liam’s friends from Swords arrived and we went to the arcade with them. When we came back Evelyn said that was it – ABSOLUTELY no more arcades for the rest of the holidays. We don’t really care. There is loads of other stuff to do. And we’re wrecked again now so we’re going to bed. Because we like to get up early to do all the loads of stuff there is to do. Byeeeeeeeeee

Diary of Liam(11⅓) and Oscar(11¼) in Pwehelli, Wales – blog 1

Unashamedly based on ‘Diary of Stephen(7) and Peter(6) in Auntie Mary’s cottage in Co Mayo in August 2000. And mainly for Mammy Grimes.

Evelyn says we have to do this because we will be delighted when we are old like her to have a written memory of it. Sheesh. And we know she’s going to edit it and put words in our mouths (or on our page – like SHEESH, and MEGA-like- WHO says that? But she won’t print impolite language because the Grimes’s might read it and they don’t do impolite language – YEAH!!). But that’s ok – because we love her (see, she put that bit in).

On with day 1.

We had to get up mad early – like - the sky was orange and red and Evelyn told us about red sky in the morning being sailors’ warning but we thought she made it up. Anyway it looked weird. And there were about twenty mega minutes where we talked really loudly at each other non-stop trying to be better than each other at saying random stuff. And then there were - like - no cars AT ALL on the road and it felt like maybe the end of the world or something. Then Evelyn told us to SHUT UP for ten minutes. So we whispered and snorted back laughs and did sniggers over all any kind of bodily emissions or excretions (see, she put those proper words in as well). Sheesh! We’re ELEVEN! What does she expect – intellectual discourse on the non-existence or otherwise of a god?

Anyway, we got early to the ferry because Liam was appointed Operations Manager and he’s really anal about being early for everything, even worse than Evelyn. So we were first in the queue and Evelyn stayed in the car dozing and enjoying the sunshine and the birds and stuff and we went over to this café where this really horrible woman tried to ignore us. She was one of those adults who thinks kids aren’t real people and glares at them and tries to make them feel like dog poo on a shoe. But we still got something to eat – but it was horrible. Then we waited and waited and waited and finally got on the ferry and Evelyn found a comfy seat to sit and read and doze (she does a lot of that) and we went off exploring. And we found this deadly arcade. So we came back to Evelyn and asked for our daily tenners and she did that thing with her mouth where it looks like an arse bottom and frowned and only gave us £3 each because she thought that was enough to spend in ‘one of those places’.

So we went back to the arcade, played a few games and went on deck and around the ship and explored but that was boring so we went back and asked Evelyn for the rest of our money. So she gave us the lecture about how a tenner was way too much to spend in an arcade especially before half past nine in the morning (even though we’d been awake for hours so it was basically half past TWO, Jesus Sheesh) Yeah, yeah. If we wanted to spend all our daily allowance or even all our holiday money before we even got halfway across the Irish sea why did she care? It was our money wasn’t it? Liam said that (he never knows when to shut up) and Evelyn’s arse funny-shaped lips got tinier. Like, why did it bother her, we knew the rule about no more money. Mams!

Then all the money was gone and the movie they had on was crap and Evelyn lost our comfy seats so we had to wander about until we found somewhere else. Then we had a marathon session of Hangman and Evelyn hung us with ‘aggravation’ ‘seasonally’ and ‘disobedience’ and Oscar won with ‘popsicle’ and ‘cheeseburger’ and Liam tried to be smart but got caught with a word that wasn’t even a word. Then Liam won with ‘Po’ but Evelyn disputed the use of placenames and rivers and stuff – but he still won. Liam caught her ‘ectoplasm’ before we were hung. It was a great giddy laugh, ‘cept Liam gets a bit thick when he loses and Evelyn gave him a bit of another lecture. Families.

We were getting tired and fed up but then it was Holyhead and Evelyn had a panicky minute when we got into the car ‘cause she had left the radio on. But the battery was Ok and Liam stopped having heart failures about the nearly shame. Then we got pulled in by Customs into this shed and Evelyn nearly killed a woman by letting the car jump a tiny bit. But everyone laughed so that was ok. The customs man was really nice and we all laughed when Evelyn declared us eleven year olds as ‘prohibited and dangerous substances’. They didn’t arrest us but Oscar was glad he had his birth cert to prove he was – like - Oscar. Then we saw a nearly crash with three huge HGVs. But it was ok, just a nearly.

Then we drove for about forty minutes and stopped at a supermarket in Caernarfon and bought loads of stuff – mostly goodies because we were on hols – but stuff like spuds and bread, pasta, meat and even vegetables and fruit (hi Mam – from Oscar xx hi Dad – from Liam oo, see - she is looking after us (she put that bit in too)).Then we got back into the car and it was hot and Evelyn kept going on about the lovely scenery and all we wanted to do was get to Hafan Y Mor and the campsite.

Then we were here and it was huge. Like - really big and lots and lots of people and Evelyn was a bit nervous about that. And our mobile wasn’t ready and we had to wait but that was ok because we had a look around and there was LOADS to do. Like pedalos on a lake and karts and quads and a huge adventure ropeworks place and a deadly indoors pool with huge slides and loads of playgrounds and archery and fencing and even a shooting place and just too much to write about. Then we got our mobile and it was like MILES from all the ain noisy part that Evelyn hated and it was DEADLY. Even though after a few minutes we had it all messed up and homely it had like one big couch and one small couch and a real sized telly and a DVD and a proper cooker not just a few rings and a mad toaster and a micro and THREE bedrooms and two bathrooms, one with a shower and sink and one with a toilet and sink which Evelyn thought was a good idea because then there wasn’t a horrible smell of poo when you took a shower. And it was spotless. So Evelyn was thrilled. We had to help take all the stuff in and mooched about for a while to have a rest. Then we went swimming – even though there was this weird lady at the pool who was trying to be funny and really wasn’t so we had to come back for money for the lockers and we didn’t really want to go back because of the weird woman but Evelyn made us so we did and we were glad cause the slides were the best ever. Nearly as good as at a proper Water Sports Place.

Then we were just wrecked from being up so early and travelling and stuff, so Evelyn made us pasta and chicken and we put on a DVD and ate rubbish for the rest of the night. Evelyn wanted us to go for a walk with her and we said NO! and when she came back she rambled on a bit about how she wished she was an artist because then she could capture the hills and the sea and the sky and the way the light kept changing and we wished she’d shut up. Then she started writing and she did – at least from her mouth.

Then she said we had to say what the best thing was about the day and what the weirdest thing was. Even though we told her we hadn’t really DONE anything and she went off on another ramble about getting up as early as birds and crossing the Irish Sea and coming to another country and a wonderful holiday home and stuff. Even though all we meant was like we only just got here so how could we know what was best?

So we said the arcade on the boat was best (Evelyn threw her eyes up to Heaven) and the weird women in the café and at the pool was the weirdest. We wondered were they related. Her best thing was the scenery and her weirdest was the fact that the planters outside the mobile beside us had real compost and artificial flowers. We think she needs to get out more. Off to bed now and the next day we…………(certainly won't be writing as much.....)

Self printing - the new self publishing

Okay. I’ve decided to do it. I’m self printing my novel ‘The Heron’s Flood’ with Create Space, Amazon's subsidiary where one can avail of a print on demand system. I’ve done my research (many thanks Catherine Ryan Howard in particular). I am having the book professionally edited ( many thanks to the lovely Emma) I have my artwork (many thanks Ken Walsh) and with Ginnie Gale of Create Space's help I should have my book up and out there before the end of the summer. It will be available in print form and as an e book. I will be having a launch in Swords and probably another in the city, more of which later in year.

I’m so excited. I spent about four years all told on this novel and until I publish it I will not be able to move on. I have to dust my hands of it once and for all. The worst that can happen is it will have cost me a couple of hundred euro. Although I haven’t been able to get any publisher to take it on I know it’s good. I mightn’t know much about much but I love a good yarn and I know one when I write one! Every agent and publisher I sent ‘The Heron’s Flood’ to asked to see more and then turned it down because they didn’t feel it was commercially viable – probably because it’s not literary fiction nor is it 'chick-lit' but somewhere in between and it didn’t fit any of the genres into which books that aren’t literary fiction or the horribly patronising term 'chick-lit' seem to have to be slotted.It fell between two stools and they didn't know what to do with it. It’s bewildering. As a writer you have something to say. You say it as best you can and the world of publishing then tries to label it.

It’s a story. That’s all. A book I’d like to read. It has characters I can empathise with. It’s sad. It’s funny. It gives hope – even in the darkest of hours there is hope. It’s about people, about love, about life from the everyday to the horrific to the high-days and holidays. It deals with domestic abuse and depression – tough subjects but subjects which touch many of our lives in different ways but it deals with them as everyday commonplace events in the flawed everyday lives of my characters. It is shocking what people can become used to, accept and feel nothing can make a difference. Until something snaps. And then..........

I hope my novel might make people understand what it is like to be caught in a repetitive cycle, a cycle that is too hard to break out of because of conditioning. If it gets even a dozen people to purse their lips and say ‘Hmm, I can see now how that can happen’. It also poses a big moral question, a great bookclub topic. Is it always wrong to take a life? Under what circumstances can we as a society say

‘We understand, go, you will not be punished.’

I drove Jemser mad for a couple of months pondering this.

'Jesus, Evelyn', he said 'you’re getting all worked up over fictional characters!' And I was, because for me they are as real as the people who sit around my house every evening - living breathing thinking sentient beings. Actually my characters are more living breathing sentient etcetera than some of the creatures sitting about my house making it look untidy!

So there yiz re. Yiz better all buy it!! And nominate me on Joe Duffy’s Christmas book list. So I can make loadsa lolly, pay me debts, go on a four day week with the paid employment and produce loadsa more books by writing one day a week. I’ve hooked up with a lovely Polish illustrator so there will be kiddies books coming soon too!!

Ghoulies and ghosties and things that go bump........

I am a complete cynic when it comes to magic, fairies, angels etcetera. But I have been moved recently from cynic to ‘well, maybe…’. We must be open to everything, for without openness and a willingness to observe and learn how on earth can we grow into the beautiful rounded human beings we ought to be?

My dear friend Sam Stone, a man with a wonderful story to tell is life partner of the beautiful Debra Reynolds from Naas in Co Kildare. Debs is a ‘hedge’ witch – so called because she belongs to no coven, rather she practises her craft alone and has a deep and abiding belief in the possibilities of a good potion or incantation delivering to one ones heart's desire. Debs and a friend recently set up a card-reading business, they arrive at your house where you have gathered together a group of friends/family and host a card party for these ‘Soul Sisters’. For a fee of thirty euro a head Debs or Karen Pickering (her friend) will read either Angel cards or Tarot cards for you.

There is something about both these women. Something indefinable – which we of course immediately attempt to label, define, put in its box and file under ‘that’s that’. You would immediately feel you have known these ladies all your life when you meet them. They are intuitive, spiritual, good people and you know they will listen to you, assuage your fears and above all give you hope for the future. Yes, there’s a fee – but it’s a damn sight cheaper than a therapist’s or counsellor’s fee or than handing over your life, morals etcetera to any organised church.

They say God is dead in the Western World, since Darwin’s theory was expounded and people became more literate and educated and realised that the creationist theory put forward in the Bible might be just that, a theory, story, parable. This, coupled with the cover-ups on child abuse in the Catholic Church, means that many have turned their backs on organised churches. People want the freedom to think for themselves, to connect with their inner selves and above all to find peace and contentment in the hurly burly now, now, now world we of the first world live in.

Debs and Karen provide this moment’s stillness. They listen to you, observe reactions and – as both ladies firmly believe in their powers as seers- read the cards as they fall. If you are open to what the ladies are trying to do you will gain a lot from your session with them. I’d certainly recommend them to any of my friends.

Apart from all that it’s a great excuse to gather together a bunch of friends and neighbours, chat and laugh and have a few drinks. As it was my house of course there were songs that had to be sung. And no better man to sing them than my Jemser! Sam (Deb’s hubby) went to the pub with Jem while the ladies weaved their magic and they rejoined us at the end of the reading sessions.. We had a great night. There is so little time to share with our friends and neighbours now that the moments we do get together are all the more precious. I had to work today so I scarpered to bed at the witching hour and left Jemser singing with the rowdiest bunch of North County Dublin housewives you have ever heard. They left once everything alcoholic in the house had been drunk and every song they all knew was sung. I know it was bright out when I heard the front door slam for the last time!

So ‘gwan- do yourselves a favour – get your pals together and contact Debs at debrareynolds95@yahoo.co.uk . You won't regret it.