Diary of Liam and Oscar etcetera etcetera blog #3

It’s too bloody hot. And Liam got burned day before yesterday. Despite factor 60 his shoulders still went mad red and VERY SORE. So he wouldn’t go to the pool. So we had to sit in and watch Jeremy Kyle. Which is hilairious.

Evelyn says it’s depressing. Not the hot thing – the Jeremy Kyle thing ‘Spose if you are her age and are looking at all these sad mostly losers it might be. But we think it’s hilarious. Mainly because most of these people have these mad problems about sex. Or rather their supposed-to-be partners having sex with others-who-are-not-them. Sex is hilarious. Even more hilarious than farts and silly names for parts of your body that nobody likes talking about. Although the proper names are even more hilarious than the silly ones.  Shewhomustbeobeyed says we are not to list the names here – either proper or silly; but you all know them. Shewhoetc. is weird – we’re saying all these names and she is googling them looking for the etymology of the word so she can understand it and worse – make us understand it. Etymology – what’s the etymology of that? This is our life at the moment. Jeremy Kyle and mad words. Edumacation.

Another good programme is Cupcake Wars. Yep. These mad Yanks have contests to be the official cupcake maker for some event or other. These eejits are passionate about cupcakes. Cup-bloody-cakes says Evelyn and people starving on the planet. Yep. One of those moods – all because we didn’t move our breakfast bowls. Anyway she’ll have a kip in the sun while we watch something else (there really is only the pool and the tv – no other kids, no SHOP!!). Glee. Desperate Housewives. Liam likes the History Channel – well some programmes, mostly war stuff.

She’s making us WALK to the beach later. Oscar brought it up on his phone and it is 2.7km away – like, that’s down and back from Swords village from the house in Rathbeale ALL IN THE ONE GO. Then we’ll have to walk back again. We wish she’d hire a car but she says she’d be too nervous on the roads. EVELYN!! NERVOUS!! We think last year’s holiday in Wales was better because there was more stuff to do and it wasn’t so hot. Still, it’s better than school!!

See yiz soon

PS MAMMYAIS I LOVE YOU!!! OSCIE XXX

Diary of Liam (12 'n a 1/3) and Oscar (12 'n a 1/4) from Campo Sol in Torrevieja, Spain blog#1

We're back! Almost a year older and twice as brainy ( Evelyn says cheeky - but this is our blog, so....)

We decided as we're almost teenagers that a sun holiday should really be the thing this year. Not. We had no say in it. Shewhomustbeobeyed just tells us what the story is and that's that. She usually does an ok job on arrangements etc so we kinda trust her.

Anyway we left a VERY GREY Dublin this morning and arrived into a VERY GREY Alicante. Evelyn was not amused. And it even rained a little on the journey from the airport to the apartment complex. But it was really really warm so at least that sort of cheered her up. Actually how the hell can she be cheered up when she spent the whole plane ride reading a book called 'The Gravedigger's Daughter'? We asked her what it was about ( barring the obvious daughter of the gravedigger ) and she told us it was too depressing. After page 180 everyone belonging to the gravedigger's daughter was gone/dead and she was all alone in the world. PULLEESE! This woman is supposed to be on her holidays and she is reading about death, murder, violence, hatred insanity and the cruelty of human beings towards each other. And not even a drink in her hand to make it all easier to read about. She decided to abandon that book as not suitable to her frame of mind and instead tonight she is curled up reading ...wait for it... 'The Virgin Suicides'. We'd worry about her if we weren't already a little concerned for our own welbeing. We may have to pretend we are not with her at the pool.

Speaking of pools - the one in the complex is gorgeous. It's small but quite deep so we had great fun. We're in one apartment for tonight and tomorrow night and will be moving to our proper place on Wednesday SOMEONE MESSED UP THE ARRANGEMENTS. And it wasn't Liam. Or Oscar. But at least we're not in the hostel in downtown Alicante which is where the person who is supposed to be protecting us was trying to incarcerate us first. Jeez. We never would have slept.  The nice woman across the lane from us here ( with two lovely little dogs - a bichon and a maltese) was horrified that we even contemplated it. The apartment is nice - not as nice as our mobile last year but it is clean so the Mammy with us is reasonably satisfied.

Only drawback is it is about a fifteen minute walk across some waste ground to get to a supermarket and then we had to carry LOADS of shopping back with herself. Our arms were longer when we came home than they were when we went out and Oscar reckons he has blisters. Liam moaned for Ireland and Spain and HE HAD THE EASIEST JOB!! Evelyn wouldn't let us stay on our own in the apartment while she shopped - we won't be caught out on that one again!!

We expect our blogposts to have a certain adult tone this year. We are a year older you know and not as amused by childish things - like bodily functions (tee hee hee). We're sophisticated consumers now of course (like we weren't already). Liam bought a hat and Oscar a pair of sunglasses in Dublin airport. One must keep up appearances - even if it's only Evelyn we are with.

That poor bewildered woman hasn't a clue. Before dinner she landed down to the pool for a swim; she was in her togs but we had to point out to her that she still had her bra on under them. AND THEN she whipped the bloody thing off in FULL VIEW of the one other person that was there..and it was a maggoty old sweaty one.

JEEEEEEEEEEEZ! It's going to be a long week.