Maximum One Bitch Per House.

I'm meat in this house. My kids are refusing to talk to me and Jemser won't look me in the eye. Why? I took the dog back to Dog's Trust.

I know, I know. I waxed lyrical. What can I say? I was a fool in the first place.

But the amount of doo-doos in a small suburban garden - the jarvey nappies started to look appealing! The amount of excavating she did to my small but previously pleasing garden. The chewed clothes,shoes, she chewed right through a garden hose!

Her irrepressible affection and good nature manifested itself by her hurling herself- with a leap straight to the chest - that flattened anyone under five feet in height or who weighed less than 6 stone. Then there was the hair and the barking and the neighbours looking at me the way Spencer Tracey looked at Sidney Poitier in 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.'

She refused to stop jumping so we gave her limited access to the house and kids and I think we might have overcome it eventually, but in the last forty-eight hours she developed a nasty little habit. She started trying to take one's wrist in her mouth when playing, and nip a little. Now I don't know about you but I happen to think that biting is a big 'no-no!' even in play. She was scolded and put in the other room or in her crate. Then this morning when I went to put her back in the crate before I went to work she did it again.

But this time she ripped the sleeve of my jacket by worrrying it with her teeth. I was not impressed. And the growl - even though it was interpreted by the males in the house as a 'friendly growl'. I grew up terrified of dogs byut in recent years have more or less overcome my phobia. I had noticed son#2 had a similar fear so was actually pleased when it was he who suggested we get a dog. He picked her, I approved, Jemser fell in love and even son#1 grunted 'She's awright' from beneath his asymmetrical fringe. That was a week ago, when I had a nice easy-going fear free life

So I made the decision, because otherwise the males would dither for a year, I'd have no clothes, shoes, garden left. The bond would be stronger and sh'd still be at it - none of them wanted to do obedience training 'She'll grow out of it'

It's a good job I didn't leave potty training my babies to Jemser. They'd both be in incontinence pants by now

I rang the Dogs Trust who agreed to take her back and informed family of my decision. Jemser was devestated. I could see the little boy disappointment in his eyes. I hated myself. Son#2 was upset, despite the fact that he wanted her out in the garden or in her crate all the time she was indoors and had a panic attack every time she came near him ' Mam ,I did love her. I just didn't like being near her when she was moving!'

But Son#1 defended me. 'Yeah Mam's mean. But she was the only one doing all the shit and shit."
I was amazed. He actually noticed that no-one in the house does anything about the house except me. I'm living with Jemser for twenty years and he doesn't seem to have noticed.

Actually if I had said 'the dog or me' I think they would have picked the dog.

Damn! Best running away excuse ever gotten rid of, fool, fool, fool.