Saturday, July 16, 2011

Diary of Liam(11⅓) and Oscar(11¼) in Pwllheli, Wales – last piece

This is our last blog…are yiz sad? Evelyn’s not. She says it will be at least ten days before she can think of anything without some image of a bodily function leaping to her mind or worse, lips. We don’t know whether we’re insulted or pleased.

We had a bit of an adventure on Thursday. Evelyn was meant to shoot us take us shooting but they were all booked up until Sunday so she didn’t get to MURDER US STONE DEAD. Instead she deliberately lost us on a barren headland somewhere in North Wales. We would have preferred to have been shot. Being eleven and however many fractions you might be and finding youself lost (??!!) in a foreign country is double scary. Even if everyone speaks English. They all have funny accents and tried to make stupid jokes that were supposed to comfort us but were just STUPID.

What happened was this. We rented bikes because we were going for the Oscie sock burning ceremony and the site of this ceremony was (according to Evelyn) about a fifteen minute walk – which meant thirty minutes - and come on we’re eleven we don’t DO thirty minute walks. There was a bit of a hoo ha with Oscar’s bike but Evelyn got it sorted (she can be useful sometimes – when she’s not trying to lose us) and off we set. Now she says she called ‘turn right’ when we called back to see which way to go. But we all know her sense of direction – anyway we didn’t hear her and turned back the way we thought we’d come. ‘Cept it mustn’t have been the way or more probably she went her own sweet meandering WRONG way.

So we started looking for her – we rode back towards the site (all of three minutes). Liam thought he heard Evelyn calling ‘Leee-ummmmm’ but wasn’t sure. So we decided to go back to the Spar and tell the lady there about our missing Evelyn. So she called security and they came down to the shop. They – well, he - had no flashing lights, later we remembered it was a dark green kind of van thing, Liam thought it was probably some kind of crap Volvo. So he – the security van man- started to take our details and tried ringing Evelyn’s mobile but it wouldn’t ring ( he didn’t use the international code). He made a stupid joke about us trying to get him to ring some mental number in outer Mongolia and cost him a fortune and we tried to laugh but we couldn’t. Liam was starting to get upset and Oscar was trying to stay calm. And then out of the blue – out of NOWHERE- Evelyn walked around the corner outside the Spar. That was it. We both laughed and felt like crying at the same time and felt safe and mortified at the same time. And of course she did her ‘Owl Babies’ Aul’Mother speech “ ‘WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS!! Sure ye knew I’d come back’ ”. Well, of course we knew it – but still….y’never know.

So off we went – this time together – and it was a lovely day and nice and cool on the headland even though it was MELTING on the caravan site. And we had the Oscie Sock Burning Ceremony – and it was terribly sad and Oscar filled up even more than he had when he thought Evelyn had been abducted by Aliens – or men in a dingy white van . And the photos are on FaceBook. Then we placed crisps (smokey bacon natch) on our tongues to remind us of the burning to the crisp of holy holey old socks. Photos on FB also – don’t tell the blasphemy police. So that was that. We explored a bit and we started to see Evelyn’s point about views and fresh air and stuff and then we said P-P-L-LE-E-E-E-ase can we go back so we can go into the fifth circle of Hell for a swim. And she sighed her deeply tired Evelyn sigh and smiled her ever-suffering Evelyn smile and heavily got to her middle aged swollen feet and gathered up ALL the bags and plodded along behind us commenting loudly on the beauty of the countryside and coast line and ozone laden air and the ingratitude of the yoof of today…. But we didn’t hear her because we were miles ahead on our bikes. We knew she wouldn’t get lost again.

So we went to the NINTH circle of Hell (I thought it was the fifth…No, it was the first Oshutup) pool. We enjoyed it.

As it was our second last night Evelyn said she’d take us out to a proper overpriced site restaurant. We thought it was lovely but we weren’t paying. The desserts were deadly. Chocolate ice-cream stuff. Yum – Liam said that after the death-by-chocolate dessert it was the next nicest dessert he’d ever had. Evelyn said that at least the used proper Cos lettuce in the Caesar (she made us put that in – all leafy green things are fake especially lettuces (lettusces, letucises..lett..le….###) and cabbages (cab##......) from Cosmania))(and why would anyone call a bowl of green….. …fodder (that was Liam – he has an agricultural background))after a Roman Emperor))) but then she moaned commented about the overuse of parmesan LARGE CHUNKS and the marked absence of……..then we stopped listening because© >>>>>>>>>>>© was on the large 52 inch flatscreen TV on the ©…………………………© we can’t say for fear of being sued for copyright©

And then it was Friday……..and it was….. more than dull , wait for it, it RAINED. We felt really at home, well Evelyn did especially, she said it made her all nostalgic for Wexford in 19-oh-dot…Evelyn had said she would take us back on our favourite paying thing on the site for our last day so we picked pedaloes ( well, we couldn’t go back to the Tardis ‘cause it wasn’t on the site). So she got up after only FOUR ‘what time are wes’ – which is good for an adult…’specially before ten a.m.
So we were on the boating lake by half-ten. She doesn’t hang around when she makes her mind up. We found even YOUNGER ducklings than the first pedalo day and she did the kissy thing again, and it was really quite funny the way the eejits followed us and we decided we actually wouldn’t like to fall into the boating lake….it was a bit..well…not to be rude, but ‘ absolutely MINGIN’’ ( we are in the UK!). We felt sorry for the birds. But they looked happy and healthy enough.

So. It was Liam’s friend from Swords birthday so we spent most of the day with him and his family. We went to Burger King (Oh yeah, oh yeah …more junk food!!) and then go-karting and then back to his mobile for cake and happy birthday and then …Evelyn gave in under pleading eyes and relentless rain and said we could go to the Arcade with the last of our money. And then it was time to have a pickin’-out of each other few hours and write our blog and then it was bed time and we cannot believe our holiday is over. And it was good. But it’ll be nice to get home to our own beds and our own couches and X Boxes and the way things should be.

And most of all – to our Mam and our Dads. WUV YOU ALLXXXXXXXXX
Liam and Oscar.

PS: Thanks Mammikins/Auntikins – we reely reely reely apreceeate appriche, are glad you took us to Hafan Y Mor. DBL WUV U xOxOxO

PPS: That PS is an incorrect representation of our last words as we would never – ever - ever mis-spell that word…but yes Evelyn/Mam you deserve a thank you…and we do love you! And thank you for saying MIGHT to Spain next year - we don't care that you think we won't want to go...we're always going to be eleven inside!!!

Grown- up Ps - I love you! I really enjoyed my time in Wales with the two babies (so far) of the Walsh Clan. They were - for the most part - great company, although I admit the giddiness did get on my nerves at times. But they are both intelligent, articulate funny and best of all loving young men. Whoever they end up with in years to come will be getting well-balanced partners. Didn't we do a grand job on them!

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